Where troubles melt like lemon drops

Hey folks, long time!

So I was thinking those days about my professional life - whenever I have to make a big career related leap in my life, I’d get so anxious and frustrated from wrecking my head with all best solutions, just to stick to a fabulous and unconceivable plan, fail miserably, feel like the most useless and skill-less person on earth and start crying in desperation, followed by getting hardly no motivation whatsoever to get out of bed - and loop it all over until something miraculously fall from the skies or I settle my mind per pure exhaustion.

I read the book Pollyanna* like a hundred times when I was a kid so I could see positivity in all situations, even in the crappier ones. But I think I should rather had focused on a role model that taught me to believe in myself and how to fight the crap out of the world instead of accommodated playing the stupid “glad game”. In other words, I was not supposed to learn to take things as they come, but try to mend the situation in a different, better way.

I have this adorable innate urge to escape, to find myself unable to cope with the demands of life. So I turn to happy thoughts into my “Hakuna Matata” pink cloud over the rainbow inhabited by Unicorns that vomit skittles.

I tried to seek comfort in others, faith in others for me. However, no matter what they said or did, nothing would be really helpful. The desperation would still hoar deep in my brain and emptiness would take over my soul. From one thing that I learned is that no one can really save you. You can cry your eyes out but at some point you gotta shake it up and fight your own battles.

I turn to meditation and happy thoughts, like: if you think happy thoughts you will vibrate light and love and all the good will be attracted to you. So all you have to do is to keep negativity out and breathe happiness out of your pores. Awesome modus operandi, right?

I always hated myself for being like that, in clear opposition to my parents who are the most down-to-earth and pragmatic human beings ever. I always avoid the challenging options and go with the easier ones. I feel like I am not good enough. I am too afraid to leave my comfort zone and unconsciously put limits for myself. It’s my upper limit, the limit that we all put to ourselves to be happy, and after that limit, we feel like we can’t do it, like we are not worthy, so we get into self-sabotage mood.

Good news: “When it comes to joy and success, your built-in upper limit is completely adjustable.”**

And that is true. I am pushing my limits everyday, it’s not an easy task to start believing in me, but it’s rather a day-by-day inner struggle. It’s easier to convince others than yourself. You have to keep pushing, just to learn that those limitations were all in your head.

A big hearty hug to all.

* Pollyanna is the main character in the novel Pollyanna, by Eleanor Porter, published in 1913 and the basis for a 1960 Disney movie. The title character is a young girl who, after both her parents have died, is sent to live with her only remaining relative, a reclusive and stern aunt, who reluctantly takes her into her home. To everyone she meets, Pollyanna explains “the glad game” that her father taught her before he died. He believed that no matter what happens, there’s always something to be glad about. One should always hunt for the positive aspects in seemingly bad experiences. The game originated one Christmas when Pollyanna, who was hoping for a doll, received only a pair of crutches. Making the game up on the spot, Pollyanna’s father taught her to look at the good side of things—in this case, to be glad about the crutches because ”we didn’t need to use them!” - See more at: http://www.theoptimist.com/pollyanna-was-not-an-optimist-and-why-optimism-is-the-best-strategy/#sthash.HRTFiSq

**Thanks @MarieForleo