Open mind, open heart

I have always been very curious about love, relationships and sexuality. I was never fully comfortable/satisfied in a relationship and I always wondered if there was something wrong about me. After seeing the so-called 'love' under Disney and Hollywood movies perspectives, I thought that something wasn't just quite right. I searched for different sources to understand and build my beliefs.

I looked into social studies, psychology, religion, ethics, and morality. One of the most interesting books of my existence was Marquis de Sade's book: 'Philosophy in the Bedroom' (1795). The book is not only about moral scandals and orgies; it goes way further into critics to religion, puritanism, appearances, and hypocrisy.

Before that, a mind opener for me was 'On the Genealogy of Morals' by Friedrich Nietzsche (1887). I never actually finished that book or read the previous 'Beyond Good and Evil', but in a nutshell, he brings an inquiry to the so-called self-evident ‘facts’, to what is 'good' or 'bad' and revaluates those judgments, which he believes, are smeared with an over-moralistic language.

One idea that I really retained from that book was that he goes on the origin of our moral prejudices and at the very core of it there is the morality imposed by the religion which repress our sexual drive and makes us feel guilty and ashamed of our sexuality in order to increase economic productivity. Because otherwise society would not be as productive as it could be, if it were allowed to put all that "rebellious energy" to flow freely.

My point is that I was not intended to let those false propositions rule my life and let them control my mind and actions. So that impulsed me forward to explore all the alternatives to the imposed values. I think love is a social organizational form that should be deconstructed. Then is when I came around with this different way of thinking love: Polyamory ('Poliamor' in Portuguese).

Wikipedia definition: Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, "many, several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It is distinct from swinging (which emphasizes sex with others as merely recreational) and may or may not include polysexuality (attraction towards multiple genders and/or sexes).

I do not practice it, neither am I sure if I would enjoy or be able to accept that. However it is interesting to see that there are alternatives, a libertarian form of love, without possession, without confining the self on a 'we', but keeping the 'me' and 'you', and maybe another 'you'.

Relationships may have never worked quite right for me because my love may not be constrainable. I suffocate and I ache for freedom. I am not sure of that, yet I will keep going on this journey of self-understanding. Someday I might find my answer.

I am not an philosopher/academic wannabe or anything related, I have no consistent methodology nor is my intention to write something more structured. I truly apologize if I committed any perjury on this text and I will be more than glad to be enlightened.

#love #repression #alternative #relationship #freedom